Life – Page 41

Categories: Life

Playing the “What If” Game

Last week, Krysten wrote a post about the “what if’s” of her life, and I thought it would be an interesting post to write about my own life because I play the “what if” game a lot. It can be futile, but sometimes it’s interesting to look back on your life and wonder about what it would look like if it had taken a different path.

What if… I had been accepted into the University of Florida and had a true college experience? Would I have joined a sorority and made lifelong friends and memories? Would I have gotten my degree in education instead of journalism? Would I have dated more, become more independent? Would my life be on a completely different trajectory than it is today?

What if… my father had been a regular guy, not one with a gambling addiction, and my parents had a happy, healthy marriage? Would I have had a more stable childhood, where dinner was always at six, dads mowed the lawn and played with their kids on weekends, and moms didn’t worry about the next time their husbands will hit them? How would my relationships with men be different – would being in healthy romantic relationships be the norm, not the exception? Then again…

What if… my mom had never left my father? Would my father have gotten better? Would he have made a change, been a better father and husband? Or would he have gotten worse? Would he have taken bigger gambling risks or tried harder drugs? Would my mom have even made it out of her marriage alive?

What if… I hadn’t failed my teaching internship? Would I have graduated with my education degree and become an elementary school teacher? Would I be happy with that career path? Would it have fulfilled me?

What if… I didn’t struggle with weight problems? Would I be happier, more satisfied with myself and my life? Would I have more friends and a fuller social calendar? Would I have had more romantic relationships? Would I have had the self-confidence to go after my dreams?

What if… I had gotten married young? Would I still be married? Would I be a mother by now or still happily childless? Would I still be living in Florida? Would my life seem more complete?

What if… I had declined my great-aunt’s offer to adopt her older dog, Dutch, because I wanted a younger dog? Would I have found another dog that brought me as much joy and happiness as he does? Or would I have gone the past seven years without a dog? (That sounds so sad, though!)

What if… I hadn’t quit my soul-sucking marketing job to join my current company? Would I still be as miserable with my career as I was then? Would I have gotten any promotions, any raises? Would I still feel unconfident and discontent with myself because I was drowning in a terrible job and volatile work environment? Would I have found other ways to find fulfillment in my life, other than through my career?

What if… I hadn’t had the courage to attend that first book club meeting? Would I still have an empty social calendar, still relying entirely on the Internet for friendship and support? Would my daily life be lonely and empty if I had never joined this little book club I found on Meetup.com? Would I still be sitting on the couch, wishing I could take a chance and join a group and meet new people, but not having the courage to do so?

What if… I hadn’t gone on that first cruise in 2011 and found my favorite way to travel? Would I still think traveling wasn’t for me, only taking small weekend trips to Orlando? Would I have traveled at all these past few years, or would I have let the fear of the unknown keep me from new experiences and places?

As fun as this experience was, looking at the past and imagining the “what if’s,” we can’t get caught up in them. They really don’t matter because it’s not our reality. Everything that happened – every good thing, bad thing, heartbreak, joy – has happened for a reason; it has gotten me to where I am today. And where I am today is a place I am so satisfied with. I’ve built a life I truly love. And there’s no better feeling than that.

What are some of your “what if’s?”

Categories: Life

Reviewing the First Quarter of the Year

The first quarter of 2015 is complete! These past three months have been really, really good. I’m just very happy with my life right now and where it is going. I think 2015 is shaping up to be a fantastic year.

I thought I would take the time to review the first three months of the year – looking back to detail the successes and the challenges – and to look ahead to the second quarter.

Q1 Review – What Went Well

Giving up a relationship that wasn’t serving me

It wasn’t hard to make the decision to break things off, but there was an initial pang of Oh-my-god-what-have-I-just-done. The realization that I was, once again, single. The worry that I would be single forever, that nobody would ever love me, that I am too much of a mess to handle being in a relationship. And some of that worry is still there, but more than anything, I feel complete peace at being single and I am 100% certain that ending the relationship was the right idea. He wasn’t the person I needed him to be. Simple as that.

Going on two super fun trips – St. Augustine and Savannah

Okay, so maybe the trip to St. Augustine was with the aforementioned boy, but we still had lots of fun! I really enjoyed exploring St. Augustine, and I’d love to go back again with my mom (my favorite travel buddy!) to check out the fort and the lighthouse again, along with some other places I didn’t get to see.

And what else can I say about Savannah? It was a wonderful weekend away. That city has a piece of my heart, and I’m glad I was able to enjoy even more of it the second time around. Next time, I want to rent out an apartment or stay at a B&B in the historic district.

My nephew was born!

Dominic is the most delightful thing I have ever seen. Well, aside from six-and-a-half years ago when my first nephew was born! Dominic was born a few weeks early at the end of February, and he is a chunker. Which is my favorite. He’s got baby rolls for days.

Giving up soda for 46 days

This was such a tough challenge. It was tougher than the time when I quit soda for 30 days back in 2013. But I saw it through to the end and I am so proud of myself!

Running a 5k

I didn’t develop a love of running through training for this 5k, but I did it! I’m so glad the race is behind me, and I can focus on other forms of exercise that I like more.

Q1 Review – What Was Challenging

Budgeting

Spending within my means, saving money, and paying off debt. It was all hard, hard, hard for the first three months, and I don’t see this tough thing getting any easier over the next 3-6 months as I have a cruise in May and then a move in July. I want to put myself on a strict no-spending “diet,” but I’ve tried that before and I’ve failed miserably time and time again. Something’s gotta give, though.

Eating well

I’m trying. I really am. But I’m stuck on this 5-lb plateau where I lose a few pounds and then gain them back, lose a few pounds, and then gain them back. While I did give up soda for Lent, as well as eating sweets at work, I still slipped up more than I should have. And while my goal is to one day eat healthy 80% of the time, I’m nowhere near that right now. I’m not meal planning, not making recipes, eating out too often, and allowing myself too many “cheat meals.”

Dealing with Dutch’s injury

Dutch is 13 years old, and I am scared on a daily basis of losing him. So, when he injured one of his hind legs in March, I was terrified. Dachshunds have notoriously fragile backs; because their backs are so long, they are at greater risk of injuring them (this is also why an overweight dachshund is such a hazard.) So I was worried he injured his back. But it was simply a pinched nerve and within a week, he was back to his old self. He’s running up and down the stairs like a champ and even went on a long walk recently and to the dog beach this past weekend so I know he’s back to his old active self.

Looking ahead to Q2 (April, May, and June)

The next three months have a lot to look forward to! In May, I am taking a cruise with my mom, and some time at the end of May or early June, it’ll be time to make a decision on where I’ll be living next. I also really want to focus on budgeting and healthy living. These are two areas of my life that need so much work, and I sometimes get lazy with myself. It’s time to stop making excuses and start putting in the effort in order to see the results I want.

All that said, I’m setting five manageable goals to accomplish over this next quarter. I decided on four goals that have a definite end date; these are goals that just require a checkmark – Yep! Done! They are somewhat related to the goal categories I set for my monthly goals, and you might see them end up on those monthly reports, but we’ll see. The last goal I set is more of a habit-based goal; something that will take daily or weekly commitment and doesn’t have a specific end date.

Here are the goals I want to accomplish in Q2:

Refinance my auto loan.
Schedule an appointment with a therapist.
Launch a brand-new blog theme.
Make a decision on an apartment.
Start writing fiction again.

I really like the method of setting quarterly goals rather than yearly goals. Three months gives me enough time to make them ambitious, but I also have to be super specific with them so they are easy enough to accomplish in this time. I think the goals I set are definitely achievable, and I’m excited to see how this next quarter of the year unfolds for me!

What were the highlights of the first quarter of the year for you? What do you have to look forward to over the next three months?

Categories: Life

The Guilt of Contentment

I’ve been going back and forth with myself lately, feeling this need to talk about something I’m going through, but knowing it involves another person and it’s always dicey to talk about things that involve multiple people. But I’ve had a few people ask me about this and I feel like I should talk about it.

The last day of January, I broke up with my boyfriend.

We broke up for a variety of reasons, which I’m not going to discuss because it’s not my place. I will say that the breakup was mutual and it was drama-free. I still think he is a great guy; he just was not the guy for me.

What has been most interesting for me has been my process through the breakup. I mean, let’s be honest: it’s not as if this was a long-term relationship. We were together for a little over a month, but as someone who likes to refer to herself as “chronically single” and does not really date, to give myself over to a relationship for even a short amount of time is a Big Thing for me.

But I’m not here to talk about dating or our relationship. Rather, I want to discuss my guilt.

You see, ever since we made the decision to break things off, I’ve been outrageously happy. My immediate reaction to the breakup was one of relief (which is telling, yes?) and since it happened, I’ve been… happy. Really, really happy.

I’m happy in my singleness. I’ve always identified with being single. I’ve never been the girl that needed a boyfriend. I was single through high school, single through college, and have remained single in my post-collegiate life. I don’t have insane dating stories. I don’t have a ton of ex-boyfriends littering my past. I don’t spend my days perfecting my online dating profile. My weekends are filled with things solely for me: freelancing, time with friends, time with my mom and my brother and my nephew, reading, working out, writing.

I never realized how much I craved the independence that a single life brings me than I do right now. And, yes, I’m certain people who are in serious relationships also have their own independence and I’m not saying that can’t exist, but it’s just different. It’s different when there’s no one to check in with, no one to worry about. When I can make the plans based on my schedule alone, and not anyone else’s. I suppose I’m just in this time of my life where I want to be single because I’ve yet to find the guy I’m willing to give up my independence for.

And maybe it’s also the introverted HSP in me – a girl who has limited amounts of energy, and who needs incredible amounts of alone time to recharge. I can’t spend entire weekends away from home. I get depleted, I get tired, I get upset. I need my home, my bed, my dog, my comforts. I need quiet, relaxation, peace, stillness. I need it more than most people. I need it to stay sane, to stay in tune with myself.

So being single again doesn’t feel awful. I’m not sad about being single, not sad about the breakup. I’m relieved and I’m happy and I feel so satisfied and content with the life I’m building. It’s a good life. It’s a really good life. And, right now, that life just doesn’t seem to have a place for a romantic relationship. There are other things I want to expend my time and energy on.

But I feel guilty feeling this way. I feel as if I’m wasting time – I’m in the latter half of my twenties, this is prime time! This is when I should be dating, should be settling down, should be considering building a family. And yet… none of that appeals to me right now.

And even though I’m happy and I feel fulfilled and content… there is guilt. There is worry that if I stay content and happy in my singleness, then I’ll grow comfortable and complacent and not ever try to move on to the next season of my life. That I’m wasting my most precious years, holding tight to my singleness.

I mentioned this to Nora, whom I could also consider my life coach for all the pep talks she gives me. She is wise and brilliant and completely understands me because she was in my shoes once, too. And this is what she told me (I stole part of our conversation because I want to remember it forever and ever amen): “Be you. It makes you happy. The rest will come when it’s meant to. You’re not wasting time. You’re becoming and are the person you are meant to be. You have the rest of your life to be with someone, to love them. Don’t feel guilty!”

Wise, right? And so completely right. The single life makes me happy right now. It’s not wasting time to be completely in love with being single and want to spend time focusing on myself, discovering more deeply what I want out of life. I’ve known for a long time that I’m someone who likes to swim against the current. I dance to the beat of my own drum, do things a bit differently than other people. I’m not going to be the girl dating around, worried more about finding a partner to build a life with than building a life I love on my own. And I’m young! I’m 27! I have so much of life yet to live and I want to live it the best way I know how. Whether that includes meeting someone in the next few months, the next few years, when I’m in my forties, or never, I’m going to build a life I am proud of. And I’m going to stop feeling guilty and start appreciating this season of my life.

Categories: Life

January Reflections

And just like that, we’re finished with the first month of 2015. I know these months are going to fly by and before we know it, we’ll be ringing in 2016. January had its ups and downs. The highs were high and the lows were low, but I’m not going to dwell on those lows. I am happy with where I am, happy that I’m learning to stand up for myself even when my opinion is unpopular, and happy that I know how to listen to my heart. And I feel really, really excited about what the future entails for me. Good things are happening, even when life seems a bit murky and unclear at times, and there is so much to look forward to.

So, all that said, let’s reflect on January and all the brilliant moments it brought.

In January, I…

Visited St. Augustine. I loved St. Augustine. I’ve wanted to visit it for a long time, and it completely lived up to my expectations. It is a beautiful city, so full of life and history and beauty. I’d go again in a heartbeat.
Started running again. I signed up for a 5k, which meant it was time to tackle one task on my yearly goals list – train to race a 5k. All I want to do is improve on my previous 5k times (which are not impressive at all!), train smart, and enjoy the race come race day.
Started working on a big freelance project. This freelance project has been a lot of fun! I get to stretch my creative muscles in an entirely different way, and the experience I’m gaining is wonderful.
Had two great nights out with girlfriends. I love my girlfriends. We met for dinner on a weeknight when an out-of-town friend was in town for a short time, and then we had book club another night where we had dinner and then visited a brewery to play games. I have the best time with them!
Booked a cruise with my mom. We leave in 103 days! I cannot wait!

I also want to take a moment to take a look back at the yearly goals I set and talk about the progress I am making towards some of them. I won’t recap all of them, just the ones I feel necessitate talking about.

Yearly goals progress…

Complete the Book Riot Read Harder Challenge and read 52 books. I read seven books in January, two of which were for the challenge. And I’m now certain I lowballed my book goal for the year… at this rate, I’ll probably read around 70+ books! Heh.
Put 20% of my income towards savings/debt each month. FAIL. Huge, huge fail. I think I wound up putting 3% of my income towards savings/debt in January. I have to step up my game for February.
Race a 5k. Training for this one! And it’s super hard. But I’m doing it. Sometimes.
Master the 80/20 rule of healthy eating. I’m doing better with eating healthy. There is so much I need to improve on, but I have a whole year to figure this out. I would say I’m eating healthy maybe 60% of the time.

How was your January? What did you do?

Categories: Life

Top Moments of My Weekend

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend – I know I did! It was the perfect mix of being social, being productive, and having downtime to relax and regroup. Next weekend is going to be a billion times crazier, so I think I may hunker down this week to prepare for it. This is the Introvert MO. 🙂 Let’s recap this weekend by talking about my top moments, shall we?

1. Had dinner at The Burg Bar and Grille. We went here for book club and it was fantastic! For many of us, it was our first experience and I will definitely return. We had an awesome waitress, delicious food, and great conversation. We sat outside, too, which was GREAT. (Yay for sitting-outside-in-January weather. I love Florida.)

2. Visited 3 Daughters Brewery and played cutthroat games of Cards Against Humanity, foosball, and giant Jenga. After dinner, we all trekked over to 3 Daughters Brewery to have drinks and play games. We played Cards Against Humanity, which is always a good time. (I had to take a picture of one of my “favorite” card pairings. Ha! So horrible, right?!) Then, there was a very competitive game of foosball played between two friends, and later, an intense game of giant Jenga. All in all, a super fun night! I love book club. 🙂

3. Relaxed with a new book on a rainy Saturday morning. Saturday morning, I woke up a little before 8am to high winds and rain, so after taking Dutch on a super short walk, we snuggled on the couch and I started a new book. I am loving it so far and am finding it hard to put it down!

4. Took a walk in the park. Once the skies cleared up, my mom and I ventured to our favorite park to take a nice walk. It was super windy (23 MPH winds!) so we were definitely working with some resistance! But it was sunny and beautiful and it really lifted my spirits, being out in the fresh air.

5. Saw American Sniper. Saturday evening, Alex and I went to see American Sniper. Oh, heavens. So good. I knew it would be intense and sad and really emotional, and it was all that and more. Bradley Cooper did a phenomenal job and it was a brilliant movie. I would highly recommend seeing it!

6. Had a super productive Sunday. Whew, was Sunday a productive day for me! Let’s see, I… worked on my big freelance project for a few hours, wrote this blog post, did laundry, washed and vacuumed my car, grocery shopped, and meal prepped for the week. (Roasted potatoes, roasted broccoli, cooked a bunch of chicken to take for lunch, and boiled eggs to take as a snack.) Needless to say, I was pooped by the time I went to bed!

7. Started Gilmore Girls! And now I basically want to forget all responsibilities, snuggle on the couch, and watch this entire series from start to finish. I’ve only watched maybe one and a half seasons of Gilmore Girls (and it was about halfway through the series), so this is an all-new experience for me. I love Lorelei and Rory. So much. They remind me so much of my relationship with my own mom! I’m obviously not a good Netflix-er, though, because this means I am now watching Friday Night Lights, Friends, and Gilmore Girls all at one time. I think you’re just supposed to marathon one series at a time, right? Oops.

How was your weekend?