Hi, friends! Happy Tuesday. 🙂 I am so, so excited to start my 13th annual “Best Of…” series. Yes, I’ve been doing these year-end review posts since 2011! It started as a small three-post series where I did a yearly recap, discussed my favorite books of the year, and talked about my goals… and now it legitimately takes me 2-3 weeks to get through all of my “Best Of…” posts. Buckle in, friends. We’ll be discussing 2022 for a bit.

Today, I’m starting off “Best of 2022” with one of my favorite traditions: the end-of-year survey. I found this survey years ago and over the years, I have removed and added different questions that it barely looks like the same survey anymore. But I find it to be a really fun way to reflect on the year that was.

1) What did you do in 2022 that you’ve never done before? 

• Visited Canada and Niagara Falls
• Rode in a hot air balloon
• Went tubing down a river
• Picked flowers at a u-pick flower farm
• Started a podcast
• Started managing my own team of writers
• Got Covid

2) Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my best friend Mikaela gave birth to an adorable baby girl on March 21st. Her name is Eleni Kim, and she is the delight of my life.

3) Did anyone close to you die?

No, even though I worried about it happening every single day of 2022! My brain is such a fun place to be.

4) What places did you visit?

Niagara Falls and Toronto in Canada; Buffalo, NY; CocoCay, the Bahamas; Ocho Rios, Jamaica; Labadee, Haiti

5) What would you like to have in 2023 that you didn’t have in 2022?

Inner peace. I would just like to not spend so much of my days fraught with anxiety over things that have not happened. It has been a hard, hard year with my anxiety disorder.

6) What dates from 2022 will be etched in your memory forever?

You know, I don’t think any specific dates from 2022 will be forever etched in my mind. There are things that I will remember fondly and hard things I am proud I got through, but no specific dates come to mind.

7) What was your biggest achievement this year?

Making it through every panic attack and every anxiety spiral. It is an awful thing when your brain conspires against you and you can’t trust it to be a safe place. I’m proud of myself for making it through every one and for restarting therapy to help me learn new coping strategies for these spirals.

I’m also really proud of my accomplishments at work this year. I started this year with a promotion from a senior writer to a manager, and I’ve truly exceeded my own expectations of what I could accomplish. I’ve helped to streamline our content processes, implement new procedures, and support our team as best I could. I feel really proud what I’ve done career-wise this year.

8) What was your biggest failure?

My dating life was a big flop this year. Most of this is on me, as I wasn’t as active as I need to be on the dating apps to actually have a dating life. But the dating apps can be a cesspool and I had two people cancel on me hours before our first date was scheduled, leading me down a spiral of self-loathing for a bit of time.

9) Did you suffer from illness or injury?

I got Covid in June, after my Canada trip. That was pretty sucky, but the worst of the symptoms only last for 2-3 days thankfully. And I strained my big toe when I fell down the stairs during my girls’ trip in August.

10) What was the best thing you bought?

Probably my sit/stand desk! While I’m not using the standing portion as much as I should (a goal for 2023!), I really love that I have the option to stand when I want and that my new desk takes up a lot less space than my previous one.

11) Where did most of your money go?

Where it always goes: to food. As of November 2022, I have spent $7,008 on food this year. None of my other categories (aside from housing/bills, but I’m not counting that) even comes close to that number!

12) What did you get really, really excited about?

I was really excited about the trip I took to Niagara Falls in June. I went with my mom and we had the best time. I spent a lot of time planning this trip, and I was just excited to see Canada and enjoy the Falls, which we definitely did.

13) What authors did you discover in 2022?

Catherine Ryan Howard (thrillers), Ashley Herring Blake (contemporary queer romance), Mia Vincy (historical romance), Kevin Wilson (contemporary fiction), Maureen Johnson (YA suspense), Elizabeth Acevedo (YA), and Clare Pooley (contemporary fiction).

I also loved the debuts from Alison Cochrun, Nita Prose, and Bonnie Garmus. I’m looking forward to seeing what they do next! (Actually, I already have Cochrun’s next book, Kiss Her Once for Me, on my shelf!)

14) What do you wish you had done more of? 

I wish I had gone on more dates, gone on more walks, drank more water, gotten more sleep, and reached out to friends more often.

15) What do you wish you had done less of?

I wish I had done less worrying over things that haven’t happened and I wish I had been less complaining in general. There is a time and place for complaining, but next year, I want to challenge myself to not get drawn into conversations that only seem to be about complaining for the sake of complaining.

16) How did your spend Christmas?

I woke up at my mom’s house on Christmas Day and enjoyed spending the morning with my mom, stepdad, and the dogs. They got dressed up in sweaters because it was cold (low 30s!) and I wanted to cry, they looked so cute. My brother and his family came over around 2, we had dinner around 3, and then opened presents. Unfortunately, as we were opening presents, we had the game on and the Dolphins imploded in a very frustrating manner so I was feeling both happy to be opening presents and mad at my football team. Fun times! I went home around 5:30, had to take FIVE trips to my car to unload everything (I’m so very spoiled!), and then took a bath and went to bed early (10pm; not early for some, but early for me these days, ha).

17) What was your favorite TV program?

It’s hard to pick a favorite, so I’ll list off some of the shows I really loved this year: Ted Lasso, Only Murders in the Building, Abbott Elementary, Good Girls, Survivor, and The Amazing Race. I also started watching older seasons of Master Chef and man, that show is such a comfort-watch for some reason!

18) What did you want and get?

I wanted to find a therapist and I found one very easily. I didn’t even have to go therapy-hopping!

I wanted to thrive in my new role as manager, and I most certainly did that.

I wanted to see Niagara Falls and it was so special to plan this vacation with Mom and experience it with her.

19) What did you want and not get?

Romantic love, a normal brain, better nighttime sleep habits.

20) What was your favorite film of 2022?

I really enjoyed Where the Crawdads Sing! I thought it was a fair representation of the book and I really loved the ending.

21) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 35 this year and I celebrated on a cruise ship! My mom and I took our first cruise in three years (!!) at the end of November, which meant I got to celebrate my birthday in the Bahamas. We took a hot air balloon ride, sipped fruity cocktails in the pool, and had a delicious dinner at the steakhouse on the ship in the evening.

22) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If my anxiety disorder had been more manageable. It has been a really hard year for my anxiety, something that had been under control over the last few years, and it is really exhausting to constantly deal with the spiraling thoughts and that feeling of something squeezing your insides deep in the pit of your stomach. There were a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of unnecessary worrying, and a lot of things that should have been fun and exciting made miserable thanks to my anxiety.

23) Who kept you sane?

My friends – both my IRL friends and my blogging friends. I really struggled with loneliness this year, and having friends both near and far there to support me and help me recognize I am not alone was so vital. And, of course, my mom always keeps me the sanest and I am so grateful for her support and love.

24) What are five things you are grateful for this year?

• My cats – Gosh, my cats are the best. They are sweet and snuggly and adorable. Eloise is my velcro-kitty who wants to be near me at all times, even if it means I have to share my desk chair with her. Lila is the kitty I can always count on giving me snuggles when I’m in bed. She’ll even let me tug her close to me and wrap an arm around her, which is a major feat.
• Therapy – I am so glad I was able to find a therapist I clicked with and to have the financial means to attend therapy regularly. (Even with my insurance, I pay $140 every visit, so it’s not cheap.) We have worked through so many things in the 10 months I’ve been in therapy, from my anxiety spirals to my loneliness episodes to my dating life. It’s been gratifying to be able to better understand where all of my worries and fears are coming from and how to better combat the anxiety when it comes. I have a long way to go, still, but I am so thankful I have this space carved out once a month to talk through my issues.
• The relationship I have with my mom – As you are all well aware, my biggest fear is something happening to my mom. And that’s because we have such a wonderful relationship, one I do not take for granted. She is my best friend, my anchor, my strongest support system. We have a special relationship, but one that is not without its fights and struggles (I left out the story of me snipping at my mom for not bringing cash with her while we were in Jamaica so she wasn’t able to buy water shoes, and her responding with, “Why are you yelling at me?” Hello, my name is Stephany and I can be a brat sometimes.) I cherish this relationship and I just want to have years and years and years of more memories with my mom.
• A job a love (and one I’m good at) – This year came with lots of changes on the job front, moving into a management role. While there were some low points and bumps in the road, I have found myself really happy and fulfilled with my work this year. I feel like I’ve excelled in every task I’ve been given, and that feels really good.
• Friendships – Like I said in the previous question, my friends kept me sane through this year when I wasn’t my most mentally stable. I am grateful to have friends I can reach out to when I’m feeling anxious or lonely, and they will be there for me. And that includes all of you who read my blog! Knowing I have this community at my back really makes me feel less alone.

25) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022.

Reach out to your people. When I’m going through loneliness or a depressive episode or an anxiety spiral, my natural inclination is to turn inward and shut people out. But my therapist has really challenged me to reach out when I’m feeling this way and to let people love me through these episodes. It’s a hard thing for me to do because I don’t ever want to be a burden and, as someone who takes on the emotions of people around them, I don’t want others to get sad because I am sad. But I know people want to be there for me and I know not everyone takes on the emotions of people around them. And I’ve realized how much better I feel when I do reach out. The anxiety lessens and I feel less alone in my struggles.

26) What would you rate your level of happiness on a scale of 1-10 this year?

Probably a 6. There were so many good memories from this year, so much happiness and joy. But there was also loneliness and self-doubt and high anxiety days. It wasn’t the best year of my life, but it certainly wasn’t the worst. It was just… a year.

27) If you could change one thing that happened this year, what would it be?

Do I have the power to remove any mass shootings that occurred this year? Uvalde, in particular, was a horrific shooting that I wish I had the power to change.

Personally, if I could change one thing about this year, I wish I could have gotten my life together to implement a better morning/nighttime routine. I’m starting to wonder if some of my anxiety issues stem from not getting an appropriate amount of sleep every night, and it’s something I really want to work on in 2023 because I think it could really help my mental health struggles.

28) How have you changed over this past year?

I think I have grown a lot professionally. I feel really confident in my role as a manager and have stepped up to manage a lot of different projects and processes to help our content team function better as a unit. It’s fun to be the one making the decisions, even if I don’t always make the right decision. I work by the adage, “Ask for forgiveness, not permission,” and that is very contrary to my personality (enneagram 9 here!), but has helped me grow a ton professionally this year.

29) How did this year surprise you? 

I wasn’t expecting to struggle with my anxiety disorder so much this year. It really impacted all facets of my life. My anxiety has been at a pretty even level for many, many years (even during the early days of the pandemic!) and it has sometimes felt like a failure to have struggled so much with anxiety and panic attacks this year. But mental illness is not static or logical, and sometimes, things just get fucked up for a good, long while. I’m hoping that 2023 surprises me in how much better I feel mentally.

30) Show us one of your favorite photos from the year.

I took this photo from the top of a building on our second night in Niagara Falls. It shows Niagara in all of its glory, and it takes my breath away every time I look at it.

What’s a lesson you learned in 2022?