Recurring Series

Friday Questions (v. 2)

Happy Friday, friends! I took today off so I could take my mom for a routine medical procedure—fingers crossed everything turns out A-OK for her! I’m hoping to get some freelance work done while she’s busy with that and the rest of my weekend should be a good one: dinner with Mom, a haircut, and game night with the fam. Woohoo!

Today, I wanted to continue the “Friday Questions” series that I started last month, using questions posed to the guests on Real Talk Radio. Let’s dive in!

1) Do you have any specific regrets that you live with and, if so, what have you found to be the best way to handle regret?

Oh, hell yes. I really wish I was one of those people who didn’t have regrets, but I’m not. I have them, I try to make peace with them, but it’s hard. I regret living in a dorm instead of an apartment during my first year of college because I think I would have had a more positive experience. I regret some of the financial mistakes I’ve made and waiting so long to start a 401k. I regret letting a boyfriend walk all over me and take advantage of me. I don’t think I have any regrets that are massive—just little things that make me wonder if I’d approached the situation differently, what would my life be like now?

But the way I handle these regrets is to realize that everything that happens is meant to happen, and I was meant to go through these situations so I could be the woman I am today. Take the boyfriend as an example. Having that experience and realizing how quickly I can change my tune to please other people has helped me to be more assertive in my dating life and set expectations early on.

I think it’s human nature to have regrets. The important thing is to recognize them for what they are and to learn from them.

2) What are you most excited about right now?

To be completely honest, what’s exciting me the most right now is knowing I’ll be able to pay my credit card off very soon (mid-August at the latest). I am thankful that I picked up a freelance assignment that is going to provide me with enough income to pay it off, and then I can get back to funneling money into my emergency fund. This isn’t the sexiest answer, I know, but it’s the truthful one. The thing is, I had this darn credit card paid off earlier this year, but then my trip to Puerto Rico happened and some unexpected bills popped up and I wasn’t freelancing and and and and and. It is what it is, but I would really like to stop funneling all my freelance income to my credit card. I’d really like to use it to fund my emergency savings and pay off my lowest student loan debt. I just have to get smarter about how I spend my money (and probably finally invest in the You Need a Budget system because apparently I really do).

3) Which one or two books have had the biggest impact on you?

The book that I always recommend to people because of the way it affected me is A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. It’s a heartbreaking book, but also one filled with so much hope and truth about the human spirit. It’s also so eye-opening to realize how difficult it is to be a woman living in an oppressed country like Afghanistan.

For nonfiction, I always recommend The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal. This book blew me away, giving me so much insight into the brain and the way we react to willpower. Also, McGonigal has such a fun writing style and her writing is super accessible.

I’d also add This is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel, which is a recent read that quickly made its way to the top of my “must reads” list. I am recommending it to everyone. And, of course, how can I not include the Harry Potter series? That series will always be one that impacted me so deeply on such a grand scale.

(Okay, that’s three books + one series. I’m a bookworm, what can I say? I can’t choose just one or two books!)

4) How do you think about the idea of work/life balance?

I am very fortunate to work at a job that doesn’t require overtime or working on the weekends. I’m not expected to monitor my email 24/7 or be available at all times. I can leave my work at work. There are times when I have worked on the weekends to meet a deadline, but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had to do that in my four years in my current position.

The times when work/life balance becomes tricky is when I feel like I spend all of my weekends in freelance writing mode. There’s no time for my hobbies, like writing for this blog, fiction writing, reading, spending time with friends and family, etc. I love the freelance writing I get to do, but I also have to be careful not to take on too much, because I don’t want my entire life to revolve around work.

I honestly do not believe that work/life balance is a myth. I think it’s wholly achievable. Of course, I say this as a single person who doesn’t work in an intense field. But still, I think it’s achievable and it’s about setting boundaries and priorities.

5) How do you manage multiple passions/projects?

Currently, I could break my passions into three categories: reading, my blog, and my novel. Reading is typically my top priority because it’s my #1 self-care habit and my favorite way to relax. I try to write two posts a week for my blog and I’ve only missed that goal three times (one being when I was away on vacation) this year, so that’s definitely my second priority. This means writing my novel is last on my priority list (when, really, it should probably be first).

So, how do I manage my three passions? It’s more difficult on some weeks than others. I’ve built my life around these passions, allowing for plenty of free time to read and write (which, in essence, means a lot of alone time, ha). I just try to juggle as best as I can. I have a word count goal I try to reach every week for my novel, a weekly post goal for my blog, and an annual book count goal for reading. These goals keep me motivated and give me something to strive for. I work hard to meet them. And I give myself grace when I don’t because, at the end of the day, my life won’t fall apart if I miss a blog post or only write half of the words I wanted to write.

What are you most excited about right now?

Categories: Recurring Series

Currently in June

Loving… my new tattoo (pictured above). I love it so much! It honestly feels like it was always meant to be there. It already feels like a part of me. I’ve had this particular tattoo idea pinned to my Pinterest board for at least three years, and I’m so grateful for my friend M. who basically just said, “We’re making this happen finally!” as we’ve been talking about getting book tattoos for a really long time. And maybe, just maybe, I’ve been thinking about what tattoo I’m getting next (uh-oh).

Loathing… oppressive humidity. I know that I live in Florida and it’s what I have to deal with, but it is rough. We’re usually sitting pretty in the low-to-mid 90s around here, but the humidity is usually above 60% (often higher), so it always feels much, much hotter than that. All I can say is that I am grateful for AC in my apartment and in my car. I couldn’t survive this time of year without it!

Reading… When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon. The writing feels a little juvenile if I’m being honest, but it’s a good palate cleanser after finishing The Nightingale, which just broke my heart in two. I love a good YA love story, and this one has such a unique premise (involving arranged marriage!) and a delightfully fun cover that I couldn’t help but give it a try!

Watching… the last half of season seven of Gilmore Girls. Woohoo – I’m almost done! I’m super excited to finish the series, so I can finally watch the revival episodes. (And, um, actually move on to other shows I’ve never seen, like Mad Men, Friday Night Lights, and The West Wing.)

Anticipating… an upcoming four-day weekend. My company was generous enough to give us July 3rd and July 4th off for the holiday and it’s basically all I can think about. I don’t have any plans for the holiday, so I’m going to treat it like a little staycation. Four days of no alarms, naps, time by the pool, some Netflix binges, and plenty of reading? Sounds A-OK to me!

Thinking about… Dutch’s upcoming comprehensive exam and dental cleaning. I’ve basically got an entire page full of notes about his recent health issues (ah, the joys of a senior dog!) I want to talk to the vet about Dutch’s dementia symptoms. I also want to find out if the vet can give me any insight into Dutch’s vision because he seems to be bumping into things more than usual. I also believe he’s developed hip dysplasia, due to the way he walks in the morning and his “bunny hops” in the grass during his walks. Ah, buddy. He’s hanging in there for such an old man, and is still a happy little doggo, but getting old is a painful process.

Needing… a break from the news. I’ve stopped checking Twitter as much as usual because I follow too many people who tweet about politics. Which is good when I want to be informed, not so good when I just want to go to Twitter for some funny tweets. I’ve felt a little overwhelmed by the news, so every now and then, I need a break and I’ve been taking time away. I’m still listening to political podcasts, so I’m keeping informed, just not on a daily basis right now.

What are you currently anticipating and loving?

Categories: Recurring Series

TGIF (v. 21)

The high of my week was taking my older nephew to a Rays game. Over the past few months, my nephew has morphed into a Serious Baseball Fan. He knows stats and players and could tell me all of the injured Rays players and how they got their injuries. So it was especially delightful to take him to a Rays game with my mom to experience baseball through his eyes. The Rays lost and my nephew was definitely bummed, but he had a blast!

The low of my week was coming home from that Rays game to a poopsplosion from Dutch and no electricity. My nephew wanted to stay for the entire game, so I didn’t get home until after 11 and all I wanted to do was wash my face and go right to bed. Unfortunately, life had other plans. First, I came home to a little “poopsplosion” from Dutch, which was all over my kitchen floor, and then after dealing with that, I realized that my electricity was off (it was still on in my bedroom and bathroom, but the living room and kitchen were power-less). Thankfully, I was able to charge my phone and call my electric company to report the outage (I wasn’t the only one affected), and then I proceeded to sleep not a wink that night, mostly because I didn’t have AC and I need an ice-cold home to sleep. While I was able to use my ceiling fan for some of the night, I woke up around 4am to discover the ceiling fan was off and I had lost total power. Fun! The electricity finally came back on a little after 8am, whew.

I’m currently reading The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. My work book club picked this for June after a coworker raved about it. Likewise, just about every person in my other book club has read this book and raved about it, so I think I’m settling in for a fantastic read!

A Internet find I loved this dating profile from 1865. Somehow, I need to adapt this for my own dating profiles.

A podcast episode I enjoyed was Are Election Laws Designed to Suppress Voters? by Stuff You Should Know. This was the kind of episode that had me saying out loud “oh my god” as I listened to it and I really liked how amped up Josh and Chuck got about it. I would encourage anyone to give it a listen to become informed about all the ways we have tried – and are still trying – to suppress peoples’ right to vote.

The best money I spent this week was $10 on Starbucks breakfast on Tuesday morning. Starbucks breakfast is always a “treat yoself” sort of thing for me. On Tuesday morning, after barely sleeping all night, I knew I need to treat myself and so I did. No regrets!

My plans this weekend include some workouts, including a spin class on Saturday morning. Potentially finally getting my book tattoo on Saturday, game night with my family on Saturday night, a writing date on Sunday morning, and a fun DIY class on Sunday afternoon with some friends. Whew! Let’s hope I emerge from this weekend with my sanity intact!

What was the best thing that happened to you this week?

Categories: Recurring Series

Friday Questions

One of my favorite podcasts is Real Talk Radio with Nicole Antoinette. She releases her episodes in seasons, rather than once a week or every other week like most other podcasts. Each season comes out every other month and all eight episodes download at once. I’m completely behind on her episodes (I’m still working through season 9!), but one of the things I love is the “Community Questions” that she asks at the end of every episode. It’s a handful of random questions, but they’re not your typical kinds of questions! They are actually really insightful and interesting, and I’ve always wanted to answer them myself.

So I am!

This won’t be something I do every Friday, but maybe once or twice a month, I’m going to pick out five “Community Questions” from her podcast and answer them. I’d love for you to play along – either on your blog or in the comments! The questions below are the ones she posed to guests in season one of the show. I hope you enjoy!

1) Are there any practices or habits that you do to honor your creativity?

I try to write as much as I can. I publish two posts a week on this blog and I’m trying to write a novel. My day job also involves a lot of writing and editing, so you’d think I’d want to spend my weeknights and weekends doing anything but writing. Instead, I write all the time. There’s something less at stake when it comes to my blog and my novel. I’m writing both just for me and I don’t have to worry about it sounding perfect. I don’t heavily edit my blog posts (I just do one read-through to try and catch any typos!) and right now, as I’m in the “shitty first draft” phase of my novel, I also don’t worry about that sounding perfect. I just write as it comes to me, and I’ll worry about how it all comes together later.

Also, reading. I spend at least an hour a day reading, usually more. There’s nothing that fires my creativity more than reading.

2) What is one burning question that you have no idea how to answer, but that you think about a lot?

I’ve been thinking about my answer to this question (isn’t that a great question, though?) and I think it comes down to this: can I be happy if I never found a lifelong partner? Do I need romantic love to have a happy and satisfied life?

One of the things I always come back to is thinking about what sparks jealousy in me. People running marathons or starting their own business or taking on crazy health challenges doesn’t spark jealousy in me. But seeing cute couple photos or hearing about an engagement or pregnancy? Yeah, that sparks jealousy in me. The kind of jealousy that tells me that I can lie to myself all I want about how I don’t need romantic love to be satisfied, but the truth of the matter is that I deeply desire a family of my own. I want to find that lifelong partner. I want to find that person to share all of my life with.

And what do I even do about that? I’m on the dating apps. I’m putting myself out there. And nothing is really happening. I’m just in this pattern of swiping and messaging and first dates that usually never evolve to a second date. Is it me? Is it them? Is it just not my time right now?

All I know is that I don’t think I could be wholly satisfied with my life if I never found that person I’m meant to be with. And that scares the shit out of me.

3) What’s a challenge you’re facing right now, and what are you doing to work on it?

My biggest challenge is trying to figure out how to balance freelance work and free time. I’ve learned that while my budget survives without a freelancing income, I don’t feel as comfortable with my finances without it. I only use freelancing income as a way to throw more money into my savings or at my debt, but I got into a rocky spot in May with my finances and was very glad when two different clients reached out to me for work a few weeks ago. But trying to figure out how to still enjoy my weekends and free time, while also spending 10+ hours on freelance work, has been a challenge.

The only thing I know to do is intersperse weekends where I don’t do any freelancing with weekends where I do a ton of freelancing. I’ve spent the last three weekends busy with freelance stuff, and this weekend is free of commitments, so I feel less crazed about it all and more able to focus on myself and some of my personal projects.

4) Which book have you reread the most?

This is a tough one for me because I don’t reread books a ton. I probably reread The Baby-Sitter’s Club books all the time as a child. I’ve also reread Suzanne Brockmann’s Troubleshooters series two or three times (and thinking it might be time for another reread soon!)

5) What do you consider to be your most important self-care practice?

Gosh, I can’t really decide between reading or sleeping. I honestly need both. I need a good 8-9 hours every night and taking a nap on a weekend afternoon is one of my favorite things to do. But I also can’t go a day without reading. I have to end every day curled up in bed, reading my current book.

I want to know – are there any burning questions YOU have?

Categories: Recurring Series

5 Thoughts On My Recent Vacation (and Vacations in General)

1) My trip to Puerto Rico was the first non-cruise vacation for my mom and me in a really long time. Actually, excluding our weekend trips to Savannah, it’s probably the first real vacation outside of cruises we’ve taken together. (We didn’t travel as a family when I was younger.) And, guys, we’ve been spoiled by cruise ships. We quickly learned how much we enjoy not having to worry about where to eat every single day for every single meal. I missed just going down to the lido deck for lunch at the buffet and to the dining room for a yummy, sit-down dinner. Instead, every meal felt like a production. We not only had a find a place to eat (that would suit our very picky tastes!), but also had to figure out a way to get there. Should we just find a restaurant within walking distance or take an Uber? It’s funny because people who don’t enjoy taking cruises cite this very reason for why they don’t like them: having their meals decided for them. They want the freedom to explore interesting restaurants and cuisines! I’ve always said this is exactly why I like cruising (not having to come up with a place to eat every day/night), and this trip to Puerto Rico taught me that it’s completely true. I truly missed the simplicity of dining.

2) I am one of those weirdos who hasn’t done much travel by plane in my life. I’ve done a lot of road trips and cruises, so this trip to Puerto Rico was only the third time I’ve been on a plane. (I know, I know.) I have a lot of friends who have a ton of anxiety when it comes to plane travel – I’m talking “need a Xanax or a few glasses of wine before the flight” type of anxiety – so I was interested in how I’d deal with it. Turns out, no anxiety problems here! Maybe it’s the meds I’m on, but I found the whole experience rather fun and exciting. From lifting off to being in the clouds to touching down, it was all incredible to me. I even really enjoyed being in the airport. The people watching is sublime and I enjoyed just kicking back with my Kindle as I waited for my flight. It made me want to do a whole lot more plane travel – and soon!

3) When I’m in my normal life, I don’t really drink alcohol all that much. Maybe I’ll get a drink if it’s happy hour and there’s a special, but usually not. But when I’m on vacation, all bets are off. I’m getting a drink with every meal, who cares if that pina colada is $15? GIMME. It’s as if I completely switch to this different person – Vacation Steph. Vacation Steph must have a drink with her meals because otherwise, she’s not vacationing in the right way. It’s funny, the identities we give ourselves. At home, it’s rare for me to have a drink. On vacation, it’s rare for me not to have a drink. Maybe I think I’m not having the right amount of fun if I don’t drink while on vacation? I don’t feel that way at home; even if all of my friends are drinking, I don’t feel the need to do so, too. Or is it the money aspect? On vacation, I can spend money because I “earned this vacation dammit.” In my real life, I’m much more frugal, and spending $9 on a cocktail feels sickening. It’s an interesting dichotomy… I know I could give up alcohol completely and not feel as if anything was missing from my life. But would I feel like something was missing from my vacation? That… I do not know.

4) I have discovered that I am a lazy traveler. I wish I was not. I wish I was someone who enjoyed scouring travel recommendation sites and finding interesting places to visit, but making so many decisions is overwhelming. Hence why I love cruising. With cruising, I don’t have to try to find the best deal on a hotel or Airbnb while praying those handful of bad reviews aren’t the more accurate picture. With cruising, I don’t have to decide where to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day. With cruising, I don’t have to plan what to do every day and look through lists upon lists of “top X things to do in Y place.” Cruising is just so damn easy. There’s very little decision-making. The biggest decision I have to make is whether to do an excursion or walk around while we’re in a port. To go to the dining room for a sit-down breakfast or the lido deck for a continental breakfast. To play bingo at 3pm or take a nap. To spend some time in the sun or stroll around the decks. Cruise life is perfect for the lazy traveler and that’s who I am.

5) I’ve long felt a bit of shame at the fact that I am not as well-traveled as I think I should be. Most of my travel has involved taking a cruise to tropical islands. I’ve been to Jamaica and Mexico and St. Thomas and the Bahamas… but only for a few hours and never to truly explore these islands. This past vacation was my first time in an airport since 2012. And 2012 was my first time in an airport ever. (A while back, I read a Twitter thread that had a shaming tone about people who haven’t been on planes a lot in their life, and apparently, that sense of shame has stuck with me.) Truthfully, though? I enjoy tropical, touristy vacations. I enjoy taking cruises. I have a limited amount of money to spend on vacations and a limited amount of time to take them, so why should I spend it doing something that doesn’t make me overwhelmingly happy? Why should I worry that other people scoff at all the cruises I take and think I should opt for less touristy travel? Backpacking through Europe or road-tripping across the country doesn’t appeal to me. A European cruise, on the other hand, most definitely does. I’m not going to apologize that my preferred method of travel is by cruise ship, and I’m sure as hell going to stop feeling shame about my lack of experience with airlines.