Feeling… a little emotional that my little ladies are turning 4! Eloise’s birthday was on Sunday and Lila’s is next Sunday (Mother’s Day!). I can’t believe that I’ve been a cat mom for this long (before adopting them, I had only ever had dogs). They have added so much happiness to my life. I never knew cats could be so funny and sweet and personable, but my girls totally are. I’m buying them a very fancy new cat tree to celebrate turning another year older, and I’m 100% certain they’ll love the box the cat tree comes in more than the tree itself. The cat life!

Loathing… pregnancy dreams. I have this reoccurring dream where I’m pregnant and single, and suddenly, I decide that I really, really do not want to have this baby anymore. I’m usually well into my pregnancy at this point so it’s not really an option, but I always wake up from the dream feeling so unsettled. (And so happy to wake up not pregnant!) I do not desire motherhood for myself, and I certainly do not desire single motherhood, so I don’t think these dreams are a manifestation of a secret wish for myself. From the googling I’ve done about these dreams, pregnancy dreams (especially if you aren’t pregnant and aren’t trying to be pregnant) represent the birth, or the development, of something new, like a creative project or a budding relationship. And I am in the process of working on something new and exciting (more on that below!), so I think that’s where the dream is coming from. But oof, I really hate these dreams. I get so panicky about being pregnant and having to take care of a real, live human all by myself!

Watching…

• Bridgerton, season 2 – I didn’t love season 2 as much as season 1. Season 1 gets 5 stars from me, and I’ll give the second season 3 stars. Some people preferred this season, but it was just missing a little bit of the magic that made season 1 so incredible. I’ve heard they may go out of order for season 3, so I’m really hoping we get Eloise’s story next.
• Brooklyn 99 – I finally finished my rewatch! I didn’t love the final season. I understand why they did what they did with that season, but it felt a little phoned in at times. And final seasons always have a sense of melancholy to them.
• Superstore, season 5 – I forgot that I was watching this sitcom! I’m speeding through season 5 and loving it. Such a great show.
• Get Organized with The Home Edit, season 2 – I watched season 1 when I had just moved into my new apartment and it brought me great comfort when I was having a little bit of anxiety. I just started watching their second season and I’m loving it. Organization is something I love and this show just makes me want to quit everything and become a home organizer.

Listening to… The Trojan Horse Affair. It’s a new-ish podcast from Serial, hosted by Brian Reed of S-Town fame. I’m only a few episodes in and I’m enjoying it so far. I love short-form investigative podcasts like this! I don’t listen to enough of them because I can’t really do the true crime ones (my overactive imagination doesn’t mesh well with true crime). But this one has been very interesting!

Grateful… that I can take two really nice vacations this year without completely obliterating my budget. After spending so many years struggling with my finances and sometimes barely making enough to cover my bills, it feels so good to earn an income where I can easily pay my bills, have money to put into savings, and take really nice vacations. And I’m doing it all on my own (the single-person tax is real). I’m not used to having this level of comfort with my finances, and I don’t take it for granted at all.

Anticipating… two weeks off work in June. I will be spending the first half of those two weeks on my Niagara Falls vacation with my mom and the second half will be a little bit of a staycation for me. I am really looking forward to having such a long time off work—I think the last time I took this much time off was in 2019 when my mom and I went to Ireland. It feels almost irresponsible to take so much time off work, which is just the American way, I guess. (But no, I don’t feel guilty enough to rescind my PTO request. I’m taking those two weeks and I’m going to enjoy them!)

Struggling… with my bedtime. It’s like I need someone to come yell at me to TURN OFF THE LIGHT AND GO TO SLEEP. I used to be so diligent about my 9:30 bedtime, but working from home means I don’t have to get up as early so my bedtime has become loosey-goosey. And now that I’ve been using the Sleep Cycle app for a few months, I can see that I’m averaging around 6 hours of sleep a night, which is just not enough sleep for me. I really need to make it a priority to put my ideal nighttime routine into place so that I can start getting the right amount of sleep for my needs.

Thinking about… the difference between diet culture and healthy living. I want to make some changes to my overall diet (that is, what I eat on a daily basis) to stave off heart disease and even prediabetes, but it’s tricky to make sure I’m doing it from a place of love and compassion. I have spent so much time engaging in toxic patterns of diet cycling and then hating myself when I couldn’t live up to an impossible standard I set for myself (1200 calories a day, anyone?) Going on a diet is not something I care to do ever again, but I also know I need to overhaul what I’m eating to make sure I’m doing so in a way that will serve my overall health well into the future. Figuring out how to do that without engaging in anti-fatness rhetoric isn’t easy. But I’m determined to find the balance.

Needing… a pair of comfortable house slippers for standing. I’m still trying to get used to that sit/stand desk life, and one of the things I realized I needed is a pair of comfortable slippers so that I could have a little bit of support and cushioning when I’m standing. (Standing for hours in my bare feet on a hardwood floor is not so great for my feet and ankles.) I’ve been going back and forth on a few pairs on Amazon (current favorites here and here), so I just need to make up my mind!

Buying… podcasting equipment. I’ve been talking in vague terms about the creative project I’m working on with my friend Bri, and most of you have already guessed what it is. Yes, we’re starting a podcast! We’ve been in the planning stages for many months and we’re now ready to start recording some episodes. Bri found this great beginner’s podcasting kit (a microphone, pop filter, and headphones) for $90, so we snatched it up and started playing around with our new equipment last weekend. So far, we’re having fun and I’ll be sure to share all the details with you when we’re ready to release it out into the world!

Loving… mid-morning walks in 70-degree sunshine, chocolate ice cream cones, Wordle, springtime blooms, lazy Sundays where I don’t ever leave my apartment, when a duck is swimming in my mom’s pool, when I find Lila sleeping all snuggled up next to my… spin bike (how is that comfortable?!), three-paycheck months, Monday night dinners with Mom, and the way Ellie stretches out on my office chair for her evening naps.

What are you currently watching and anticipating?

Loving… Daylight Saving Time. I know, I know! This is not a popular opinion, but I can’t help it: I love when we turn the clocks forward and suddenly, it’s 7:30pm and still light outside! I love having more daylight and if that means the sun doesn’t rise until 7:30, so be it. I don’t know how I feel about being on permanent DST (I just can’t see how it would work for people in northern states), but I wouldn’t be too bummed if Florida decided to do so.

Loathing… working from my dining room table. And I’m so glad I don’t have to do it any longer, as my new sit/stand desk arrived on Wednesday and on Saturday, the guy I hired off TaskRabbit came by to put it together. He did it in under an hour and he saved the day, since the manufacturing company forgot to include dowels in the packaging. Thankfully, my Tasker had some on hand to easily complete the job. Whew! I am really happy I hired someone to put it together and I’m even happier to start working from my desk this week. Working from my dining room table was not fun, as my chairs are not designed to sit in for hours and hours at a time. Plus, I couldn’t really spread out like I’m used to; with three monitors, it was pretty cramped for a while!

Watching… a lot of shows this month!

• Brooklyn 99 – Still trucking through my rewatch. I’m on season 7.
• Love is Blind – Season 2 was just as crazy as season 1, and I loved every minute of it. The reunion was WILD, too.
• Abbott Elementary – I watched a few episodes of season 1, but then stopped watching. It’s not as funny as I’d hoped (mostly it’s just a sad indictment of the school system), but I do love the cast so maybe I’ll go back to it.
• Survivor – Season 42 is looking to be a good one! I have a few favorites already.
• The Bachelor – Clayton’s season was remarkably boring, but I made it through thanks to The Popcast’s weekly episodes reviewing the show.

Listening to… Pod Save the World. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t follow global news as closely as I should but with the war in Ukraine, I wanted to receive updates about what is going on from people who are highly intelligent about world politics. Pod Save the World it is! They release two episodes per week discussing the war and I have learned so much. It keeps me informed without feeling like I’m drowning in doom-scrolling.

Grateful… that my mom’s worrisome bump on her chest just turned out to be a cyst. Oh, you guys. I have been through the gauntlet of emotions this past week. My mom noticed this troublesome bump on Monday. Thankfully, she had a doctor’s appointment already scheduled for Tuesday and her doctor was quite confident it was a cyst (it had a ring of redness around it and was quite tender, which is uncommon for tumors) but scheduled her for a breast ultrasound just to be abundantly cautious. She had the ultrasound on Saturday morning (I went with her) and the radiologist told her it was a cyst. What a friggin relief! I’ve been trying to think positive thoughts but that’s just not how my brain works. I’m a catastrophizer—it’s just who I am, and I thought all of the worst-case scenarios. What would it be like to be someone who just imagines nothing bad could ever happen to them? I’m over here thinking why wouldn’t the worst happen to me?

Anticipating… a punch biopsy next week. Sigh. Remember that mole I had biopsied in February and said it came back benign? Apparently, I had missed a few calls from my dermatologist’s office. (I seriously don’t know how I missed them!) The mole actually has markers that indicate it could turn into skin cancer, which means I need to get the whole mole removed as a precaution. I’ve had a punch biopsy before and they’re not very pleasant (I remember the spot hurting a lot after the numbing agent wore off), but at least we found it early, my dermatologist was cautious enough to biopsy it, and it will be all taken care of with a quick office appointment.

Researching… therapists. While I had a therapy appointment in January, it was more of an intake session. And this was back when I was told that one of my benefits through my work-sponsored health insurance was 36 free therapy sessions through a specialized app. During the appointment in January, which I thought was going to be free, I learned that each session was going to cost $73. Quite disappointing! (Long story short: There was a law in effect that gave certain health insurances money towards mental health services during the pandemic but it expired in January 2022. My company was unaware of the expiration, so they promised us free therapy but had to take it away from us. I’m still salty about it.) Since then, I haven’t gone back to the app for therapy since I was assessing my options. I’ve decided to try to find a therapist on my own, even though it will cost more than the $73 per session. The reason for this is that I’m looking for long-term therapy. The app is more of a short-term solution, with most people only using it for 4-8 sessions. I have an intake session scheduled with a new therapist next Monday, and I’m crossing fingers and toes she’s a good fit for me!

Planning… to buy the girls a very lavish cat tree for their upcoming birthdays. Ooh, I am so excited about this present for them! They both turn four this year (Ellie at the end of April; Lila at the beginning of May), and I’ve decided to upgrade their current cat tree. They’ve started using it more and more, and the little scratching posts have been torn to shreds, so it’s time for something new. I wanted something with at least one cave to hide in and one hammock to sleep in, as well as a few tall landing pads for Ellie (she loves sitting on them to survey her kingdom!) and lots of good scratching areas. I have my eye on this one or this one, and I’m excited to surprise them with it soon! (<– Only for them to ignore for, oh, 6-8 months before they decide to try it out. CATS.)

Thinking about… how to get back into the workout groove. March has been an abomination in the workout department. I think I’ve only logged two Peloton workouts total! Oof. There have been so many mornings when I wake up early, put on my workout clothes, and then just decide I do not have the energy to do a workout. So I sit on the couch, play on my phone, and curse myself for waking up early and not doing what I said I was going to do. I don’t know what is going on with me! I am contemplating doing a 30-day workout challenge in April where I have to do some form of exercise every day just to get myself back in the swing of things. Sometimes it’s easier for me to work out when I know I have to do it every day no matter what than it is to do it just three days a week.

Needing… a new purse. It’s about that time of year where I’m on the hunt for the perfect new purse. I’ve been using my current purse for about a year now (maybe a little longer) and it’s time for an upgrade. I’ve been using a smaller purse in the interim and it just does not work for my needs. I’ve hit up both TJ Maxx and Target multiple times, but haven’t found the perfect purse just yet. I’m getting a bit restless, but I’m still holding out hope that I’ll find “the one” soon.

Buying… so much nail polish. I’ve started painting my nails on a semi-weekly basis and I love it! I used to keep my nails bare, but one day, I just decided to paint them with an old nail polish I had in my closet and it was such a lovely little experience. I like to sit down with a show on Friday night and paint my nails. It’s become a sweet little ritual in my life. Now, I tend to add a new nail polish to my Target cart every week or so. I have a good assortment of colors now, and I can’t stop myself from buying more every time I’m in Target! Olive & June seems like a cult favorite but I have to say that I think I’m more partial to Essie. I’m also on the hunt for the perfect fast-drying topcoat that will keep my manicure looking good for a week. (I’ve tried Olive & June Dry Drops and they do not work!)

Feeling… more and more settled in my new role. There have been a few growing pains, as I expected. It’s been weird to go from feeling like I never have enough time to get everything done to feeling like I have all the time in the world. It does feel good not to be crazy stressed right now, although I’m sure I will get there in time, haha. Right now, I’m not handling the training of new hires yet, so when I’m ready for that, it will significantly increase my workload! But it’s been fun to be involved in the hiring process, to take the lead on some new projects, and help ensure the people on my team feel supported and encouraged.

What are you currently grateful for and planning?

Loving… my new role at work. It has been quite the change to shift from a writer to a manager this month. After 8 years of working on deadlines and writing taking up the majority of my tasks, I’ve relished having different tasks to accomplish and settling into my role as a manager. At the beginning of the month, I spent a whole day engaged in hour-long conversations with each person on my team (I have five people), which was exhausting but also really exciting. There is so much potential on my team, and I’m really looking forward to helping each of my team members grow. There is a lot I have to learn about how to be an effective manager, but I’d like to think I’m well on my way to that.

Loathing… new job jitters. I really didn’t expect to go through the rigamarole of new job jitters, considering I’m not at a new company but whoa, did they hit this month! While I am still as busy as I was when I was a writer, I’m busy in an entirely new way, in a way that makes me look back at the end of each day and wonder if I accomplished anything. I know I did, but it’s hard to measure my accomplishments the way I could when I was writing full-time. I’ve also had these random anxiety spirals that I’m going to get fired at any moment, which is fun! Now that I don’t have any writing tasks to show proof of my value to my company, I’m all “do I provide any value at all anymore?!” which is just DUMB all around because hello, I was promoted because I provide a ton of value! It’s so silly, but that’s how my brain works.

Watching… The Olympics! Well, I watched the first week of the Olympics and then I lost interest. I’m not sure why. I think I just wanted to do something else with my evenings than watch Olympics coverage. But I did get to see Nathan Chen and Chloe Kim win gold medals, and I really enjoyed the men’s snowboard half-pipe. There were some truly astonishing tricks!

I’m also still working my way through Brooklyn 99 (halfway through season 6!) and Younger (nearly finished with season 3).

Listening to… Mall Talk. It’s a podcast all about the mall, nostalgic memories of the mall, and the stores we shop in. While I don’t spend a lot of time in malls these days, this podcast has brought back so many memories for me! The mall was just the place to be when we were young, wasn’t it? I’m diving into the archives of this podcast and enjoying it a lot!

Grateful for… a benign mole. When I went for my skin check earlier this month, my dermatologist found a mole on my lower back that was a little worrisome to her so she took a sample to biopsy. Thankfully, it came back benign and all is okay! I think that I’ve had to get a mole biopsied every single time I’ve had a skin check (my back is very mole-y) so this is standard procedure for me, but I’m always relieved when nothing worrisome comes back. And this is just another reminder of how important regular skin checks are!

Anticipating… a four-day weekend next week. My mom and stepdad are going away and asked me to watch the puppers for a few nights, which I am so excited to do! The two of them haven’t gone away since they got Lucy, so it will be my first time with both dogs and I can’t wait to spend copious amounts of time snuggling them and getting covered in dog kisses. I always sleep over at their house when I’m dog sitting since it’s easier than bringing the dogs to my place (my girls would be MOST unhappy!) and I just decided to give myself a little work reprieve while I was at it. Why not?! I don’t have anything planned for this weekend, but I’m sure I’ll find plenty of ways to fill up my time.

Researching… sit/stand desks, still. I am definitely going to buy one, and probably soon! I have my eye on this desk from Amazon, which has nearly 8,000 reviews. It’s only $240, too, which feels so cheap for a sit/stand desk (why did I think these desks were thousands of dollars?!) Plus, I think I could sell my current desk for a pretty good price to offset the cost of the desk.

Planning… our Niagara Falls vacation! I love the planning phase of a vacation, and I am having a blast developing our itinerary. Our tentative plans at this moment involve flying into Buffalo on a Wednesday and driving right over the border to Canada. We’ll spend three days at Niagara Falls (probably longer than we need, but we love slow-paced vacations where we only do a few things during the day and have low-key evenings), one day in Toronto, and one day in Buffalo before flying home on a Tuesday. If you have any recommendations for restaurants or things to do in any of those locations, I’m all ears!

Thinking about… Ukraine. The photos and videos coming out about what’s going on there are horrifying and scary. I feel so helpless when I watch the news and see what these people are going through. The uncertainty of what’s to come has to be terrifying. Jessica Yellin posted this really sobering clip of a subway station in Ukraine being used by citizens as a bomb shelter. Her caption was really poignant: “You’re going to hear a lot about Putin, Biden, sanctions, world oil prices and more. Let’s also remember the lived reality for Ukrainians. Yesterday was work, school and life. Today, bombs, checkpoints, and praying for safety seeking shelter underground in the subway.”

Wishing… that our cool weather had stuck around for just a bit longer. Ugh. It’s now officially “too hot to take a walk in the middle of the day” weather. We’re regularly seeing temps in the mid-80s, which would be a nice cool down in September or October but in February, it just feels wrong. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted, right? And I know many of you are wishing for sunshine and warm weather, so I shouldn’t complain too much.

Buying… a floor lamp! I was at Target last weekend and was shocked to find that the floor lamp that I’ve had my eye on and has been out of stock for months was back in stock! Whaaaat. I had an alert set up on my Target app, but it never let me know. Unfortunately, when I put the lamp together and placed it in a corner of my living room, I… kinda hated it. It’s a little too short and doesn’t give off as much light as I’d hoped. I’m going to return it and get this one instead. I’m hoping it meets my needs better!

Feeling… relieved after a period of my blog being down last night. I think I was just trying to access it during a time when GoDaddy was renewing my domain, but it threw me for a loop! I was furiously looking up my domain registration on Google and logging into HostGator (where my blog is hosted) to figure out what was going on. And then I decided to just step away from it for the night and believe it would all work itself out. Of course, I also started spiraling a bit, wondering if this was it for my blog. It was all going to be gone forever. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t a big deal, I could start a new blog if the worst came to worst… or maybe I would just stop blogging entirely. Maybe this was a sign. But the palpable relief I felt when I pulled up my blog and everything was working fine was the actual sign that this blog means the world to me. I’m so glad it’s up and running again. Whew.

What are you currently loving and loathing?

Loving… my new fur-sister Lucy who is so smol and adorable. She makes Chip look ginormous! I’m obsessed with her and have told my mom she’s only allowed to Facetime with me now when Lucy is with her (sometimes she’s sleeping in her crate—not ok!) Tonight, I’m going to spend some one-on-one time with her (and Chip) while my mom and stepdad go out to eat, and I’ve been looking forward to this puppy-sitting date all week long!

Loathing… how nervous I get before some meetings, especially if I have to lead it. Even if it’s just a one-on-one meeting, I have to do so much prep beforehand to make sure I know what I want to say and then get crazy butterflies in my stomach in the hour leading up to the meeting. Anyone else?!

Watching… season three of The Crown and season five of Schitt’s Creek. This season of The Crown introduced an all-new cast and I’m still getting used to Olivia Coleman as the Queen instead of Claire Foy! But it’s very good and informative. (The third episode of season three, about the Aberfan disaster, was horrifying and something I’ve never heard of before!)

Listening to… In God We Lust, a podcast miniseries about Jerry Falwell Jr and this crazy scandal involving a love triangle between him, his wife, and a pool attendant. It’s fascinating!

Grateful for… really excellent customer service. I placed a big order on Chewy last week and when it arrived, the plastic box of Greenies had split open and spilled all over the box. I immediately sent an email to Chewy’s customer service and within 10 minutes, they had responded and placed a new order for a new box of Greenies for me (at no cost to me, of course)! Their email was super cute, too, and I was impressed with their service! Excellent customer service gives me all of the heart-eyes.

Anticipating… the three-day weekend. While I’ll likely have to do a little work this weekend (mainly editing), I’m going to try to limit it to one hour per day. I plan to spend a lot of time with Lucy, take a long nap every day, and catch up on reading! I feel like I’ve barely had time to read this week because work has been so insane.

Thinking about… some really exciting work changes that could spell major career growth for me. I had a very interesting meeting with my director last week where she discussed some of the growth potential she sees in me, which is really gratifying to hear. I’m so glad I bring so much value to my team and that she’s thinking about ways I could add even more! But it also has me thinking long and hard about the ways I want to grow, not just the ways I can grow. Does that make sense? There’s a difference between what is available for me and what will actually suit my needs and skills.

Wishing… for a new therapist. I think I’d like to go back to therapy (more as a “tune-up” and to talk through some stuff in my life) but finding a therapist is always such a struggle. I may end up going back to my old therapist—she was wonderful, but I also felt a little like we had hit a wall and there was not much further I could go with her in my mental health journey. So that’s why I’m thinking of looking for a new therapist, but ugh, it’s really the most arduous task and I’m also a little concerned about the cost. On my old insurance plan, it was $50 per session, which is doable with my budget. But I’m on a high-deductible plan now so I’d be paying much more (one of my friends who is in therapy is on a similar plan and pays $150 per session, eeks). However, I think I get three sessions free so there’s that! Anyway, I think maybe I’ll make a goal for June to find three therapists I’d like to contact so I can get the ball rolling on this.

Buying… knock-off Airpods. So, my Airpod problem that I hoped Apple would fix for free (some Airpods made before October 2020 have a defect) ended up being another issue entirely. And since I didn’t get Applecare on my Airpods, the cost to replace was $160. Yeah, no thanks. I know it was stupid not to get Applecare (it’s only $30 for two years—what were you thinking, Steph?!) but I just didn’t figure I would need it. JOKE’S ON ME. Anyway, I bought a pair of $30 knock-off Airpods on Amazon and they seem to work pretty well! They turn on and connect to my phone immediately when I put them in my ears, but need to be in their case to turn off (Airpods turn off if you just take them out of your ears, which is really cool). I’ll probably end up buying another pair of Airpods in the future (this time, with Applecare), but these little knock-offs will work for now.

Feeling… happy about Olive’s progress. I haven’t given an update on Olive (my friend’s baby with a rare, aggressive form of cancer) in a while, but she’s speeding through her chemo treatments like a boss! She mostly experiences a lack of appetite and extreme fatigue from her treatments (and sometimes mouth sores, poor thing!). She has two more cycles left before she is done and I cannot wait to celebrate when that happens.

What are you currently loving, loathing, and wishing for?