Feeling… devastated and sick to my stomach about Roe v. Wade being overturned. It’s the first time a constitutional right has been revoked, and it sets a precedent for more constitutional rights to be at stake. Here’s the truth: I used to be pro-life because that’s what you are when you’re a Christian. You believe that abortion is wrong. But I’m staunchly pro-choice now because why? Because the government should not have control over what happens to my body. Because it is my body and my choice. Because I should not be forced to go through the physical and emotional turmoil of pregnancy if I do not want a baby. Because the government wants to say that they are pro-life but we’re one of the only developed countries without paid parental leave, without universal healthcare, without services to help parents and children in need. Because the government wants me to bring a child into a world where they can be gunned down in their classroom, in their church building, in the grocery store. At this point in time, guns have more rights than women in America. And that’s a chilling realization. (And hey, maybe you’re still anti-abortion; that’s totally your right! But please remember, making abortion illegal will not stop abortions. It will cause more women to die. Making abortion illegal will also have an impact on access to contraception, on people going through miscarriage, and on families doing fertility treatments. There is a whole lot at stake here, and this is not a victory for anyone.)

Watching…

• Ted Lasso, season 2 – Season 2 of Ted Lasso was a lot more serious and poignant than season 1, focusing on mental health and anxiety. There were some really weird episodes in this season and the character arc of one specific character was upsetting, but overall, I liked it a lot and I’m excited for the third (and final!) season.
• MasterChef, season 8 – After reading a book that centered around a cooking show that seemed similar to MasterChef, I decided to watch an old season of the show. I forgot how much I love this show! It’s just so good and makes me cry (happy tears!) because the contestants’ stories are so lovely.
• Cheer, season 2 – I loved season 1 of Cheer and was excited that they came back for season 2. This season centered more on the rivalry between the two community colleges that are consistently 1 and 2 in the national cheer championship—Navarro Community College and Trinity Valley Community College. There was also a really impactful episode about sexual assault in the competitive cheerleading community (stemming from one of the cheerleaders on the Navarro squad being found guilty of a wide range of sexual assault on minors).
• So You Think You Can Dance – I’m watching the newest season “live” (i.e., on Hulu a few days after it airs) and it brings me so much joy and happiness. And who knew I would end up loving Jojo Siwa as a judge? She’s fantastic!

Listening to… American Elections: Wicked Game. This podcast is perfect for my history-loving soul. The podcast is working through every presidential election in American history, starting with 1789 with the election of George Washington and continuing through to 2020. The whole podcast is complete so I’m enjoying dipping in and out of the episodes (I just finished the 1804 election between Thomas Jefferson and Charles Pinckney). The episodes are cinematic, in a weird way, and I’m learning so much!

Grateful… that I’m feeling back to normal after my bout with Covid. I’m really glad my symptoms didn’t linger around too long. It was a really intense few days of feeling miserable and then multiple days of feeling fine but dealing with annoying symptoms like the dry cough and congestion. And, of course, getting that sexy raspy sick voice. Ha. I’m still testing positive for the virus (as of Friday morning), but since I’m no longer contagious, I’m allowing myself to be out (masked) in public. It’s been so nice to be among the living again!

Anticipating… writing and publishing all of my vacation recaps. I promise they’re coming! I usually write and publish all of my vacation recaps right after I come home, but getting Covid threw a wrench in my editorial schedule. But the first one will be published on Wednesday and the rest of them to follow afterward. It’s been fun to relive my vacation through these recaps and to sort through all of the hundreds of photos I took while I was away. It’s always such a beast to organize my photos after a vacation since I take soooo many pictures and videos and then have to cull down the collection to something more manageable.

Loathing… bouts of loneliness. These little moments of loneliness come to me at night, usually as I’m snuggling in bed to read for a bit before going to sleep. For me, there is something so vulnerable about this time of night. It’s when my anxiety can truly get the best of me. This is when I feel the most alone, when the pull to pick up my phone and swipe through my dating apps is highest. I was having a really rough night a few days ago and then I looked up and realized both cats had jumped up on the bed and were snuggled up next to me. It reminded me that I’m not alone but… as much as I love my ladies, they aren’t a substitute for real human connection. I’m missing that. I don’t know what the solution is, I know I could be better about reaching out to friends; there are a few people in my life that I’ve been thinking about setting up regular phone chats with to build that stronger human connection that I need. And also, the solution to these bouts of loneliness may be that there is no solution. Maybe it is what it is. We’re not robots; we’re humans with really complex emotions and loneliness is one of those emotions. It’s okay to have these dark moments, as long as we find our way out of them.

Struggling… with my cleaning schedule. Listen, I don’t know how people with larger households and more on their plates do it when it comes to cleaning. It’s hard enough keeping up with the cleaning tasks for my small apartment where it’s only me and two cats! I’ve tried doing a daily cleaning schedule (on Mondays, I clean the bathroom; on Tuesdays, I vacuum my room; on Wednesdays, I sweep and mop the living room, etc.) I’ve tried setting aside one day a week for all of my cleaning chores (not a good plan). None of it works for me. My floors usually have to get to a state of extreme filth for me to get the motivation to finally mop them, and then I’m just disgusted at myself. And don’t even get me started on how long I go between washing my sheets. I consider myself a tidy person; I tidy my apartment every night and never go to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink. But completing my cleaning chores on a regular basis is just a constant struggle.

Excited… to have unlimited PTO! My company announced this new program earlier this month and I am so thrilled about it. Every time my company sends out a survey to ask how they can improve, I always write down, “Unlimited PTO” because it truly is the greatest benefit. Being able to take a mental health day or schedule a long vacation without worrying about depleting my PTO budget for the year? Amazing.

Needing… to get organized for our podcast! Originally, we were hoping to release the first episode in early July, but things had to get pushed back when I got Covid (we planned to record our last two episodes of season 1 the Saturday I was miserable with Covid symptoms and the next weekend we can both meet to record isn’t until mid-July). So, now it’s looking more like an early August release. August will come swifter than we imagined, though, so I need to get organized so that when things get started, I don’t feel overwhelmed. So far, I’ve created a separate Google calendar just for the podcast where I can keep track of when we’re recording and when episodes are being released. I’ve updated the editorial calendar where we’ve listed out all of our episode ideas (so far, we have seven seasons planned out with 5-6 episode ideas for each season). Next, I need to create an ongoing list on Todoist for all the little tasks I’ll need to do throughout each season (write show notes, schedule social media posts, etc). It’s mind-boggling how much work goes into a podcast!

Buying… Niagara Falls souvenirs! I love buying a magnet whenever I travel—my fridge is full of different magnets from all around the world and it’s so much fun to have them as a reminder of my travels. I also bought a fun tank top, coffee mug, and Christmas ornament. It delighted me to peruse all of the different tourist shops around Niagara Falls and find the perfect style for all of these items. (Although the Christmas ornament was bought at Niagara-on-the-Lake.)

Loving… my cuddly girls. Oh, they have been so sweet this month. Before my trip, Eloise was being especially snuggly and lovey-dovey, almost like she knew somehting was up. (This was before I got my suitcase out!) And when I came home, Eloise didn’t leave my side for at least a week. She snuggled up right next to me when I was sleeping and was always nearby when I was up. Lila wasn’t as forgiving as Eloise when I returned from my trip; she needed at least a day to let me know she was NOT HAPPY with my decision to leave her for a week. But with enough treats, she decided to forgive me and snuggle with me.

What are you loving and excited about?

Feeling… a little emotional that my little ladies are turning 4! Eloise’s birthday was on Sunday and Lila’s is next Sunday (Mother’s Day!). I can’t believe that I’ve been a cat mom for this long (before adopting them, I had only ever had dogs). They have added so much happiness to my life. I never knew cats could be so funny and sweet and personable, but my girls totally are. I’m buying them a very fancy new cat tree to celebrate turning another year older, and I’m 100% certain they’ll love the box the cat tree comes in more than the tree itself. The cat life!

Loathing… pregnancy dreams. I have this reoccurring dream where I’m pregnant and single, and suddenly, I decide that I really, really do not want to have this baby anymore. I’m usually well into my pregnancy at this point so it’s not really an option, but I always wake up from the dream feeling so unsettled. (And so happy to wake up not pregnant!) I do not desire motherhood for myself, and I certainly do not desire single motherhood, so I don’t think these dreams are a manifestation of a secret wish for myself. From the googling I’ve done about these dreams, pregnancy dreams (especially if you aren’t pregnant and aren’t trying to be pregnant) represent the birth, or the development, of something new, like a creative project or a budding relationship. And I am in the process of working on something new and exciting (more on that below!), so I think that’s where the dream is coming from. But oof, I really hate these dreams. I get so panicky about being pregnant and having to take care of a real, live human all by myself!

Watching…

• Bridgerton, season 2 – I didn’t love season 2 as much as season 1. Season 1 gets 5 stars from me, and I’ll give the second season 3 stars. Some people preferred this season, but it was just missing a little bit of the magic that made season 1 so incredible. I’ve heard they may go out of order for season 3, so I’m really hoping we get Eloise’s story next.
• Brooklyn 99 – I finally finished my rewatch! I didn’t love the final season. I understand why they did what they did with that season, but it felt a little phoned in at times. And final seasons always have a sense of melancholy to them.
• Superstore, season 5 – I forgot that I was watching this sitcom! I’m speeding through season 5 and loving it. Such a great show.
• Get Organized with The Home Edit, season 2 – I watched season 1 when I had just moved into my new apartment and it brought me great comfort when I was having a little bit of anxiety. I just started watching their second season and I’m loving it. Organization is something I love and this show just makes me want to quit everything and become a home organizer.

Listening to… The Trojan Horse Affair. It’s a new-ish podcast from Serial, hosted by Brian Reed of S-Town fame. I’m only a few episodes in and I’m enjoying it so far. I love short-form investigative podcasts like this! I don’t listen to enough of them because I can’t really do the true crime ones (my overactive imagination doesn’t mesh well with true crime). But this one has been very interesting!

Grateful… that I can take two really nice vacations this year without completely obliterating my budget. After spending so many years struggling with my finances and sometimes barely making enough to cover my bills, it feels so good to earn an income where I can easily pay my bills, have money to put into savings, and take really nice vacations. And I’m doing it all on my own (the single-person tax is real). I’m not used to having this level of comfort with my finances, and I don’t take it for granted at all.

Anticipating… two weeks off work in June. I will be spending the first half of those two weeks on my Niagara Falls vacation with my mom and the second half will be a little bit of a staycation for me. I am really looking forward to having such a long time off work—I think the last time I took this much time off was in 2019 when my mom and I went to Ireland. It feels almost irresponsible to take so much time off work, which is just the American way, I guess. (But no, I don’t feel guilty enough to rescind my PTO request. I’m taking those two weeks and I’m going to enjoy them!)

Struggling… with my bedtime. It’s like I need someone to come yell at me to TURN OFF THE LIGHT AND GO TO SLEEP. I used to be so diligent about my 9:30 bedtime, but working from home means I don’t have to get up as early so my bedtime has become loosey-goosey. And now that I’ve been using the Sleep Cycle app for a few months, I can see that I’m averaging around 6 hours of sleep a night, which is just not enough sleep for me. I really need to make it a priority to put my ideal nighttime routine into place so that I can start getting the right amount of sleep for my needs.

Thinking about… the difference between diet culture and healthy living. I want to make some changes to my overall diet (that is, what I eat on a daily basis) to stave off heart disease and even prediabetes, but it’s tricky to make sure I’m doing it from a place of love and compassion. I have spent so much time engaging in toxic patterns of diet cycling and then hating myself when I couldn’t live up to an impossible standard I set for myself (1200 calories a day, anyone?) Going on a diet is not something I care to do ever again, but I also know I need to overhaul what I’m eating to make sure I’m doing so in a way that will serve my overall health well into the future. Figuring out how to do that without engaging in anti-fatness rhetoric isn’t easy. But I’m determined to find the balance.

Needing… a pair of comfortable house slippers for standing. I’m still trying to get used to that sit/stand desk life, and one of the things I realized I needed is a pair of comfortable slippers so that I could have a little bit of support and cushioning when I’m standing. (Standing for hours in my bare feet on a hardwood floor is not so great for my feet and ankles.) I’ve been going back and forth on a few pairs on Amazon (current favorites here and here), so I just need to make up my mind!

Buying… podcasting equipment. I’ve been talking in vague terms about the creative project I’m working on with my friend Bri, and most of you have already guessed what it is. Yes, we’re starting a podcast! We’ve been in the planning stages for many months and we’re now ready to start recording some episodes. Bri found this great beginner’s podcasting kit (a microphone, pop filter, and headphones) for $90, so we snatched it up and started playing around with our new equipment last weekend. So far, we’re having fun and I’ll be sure to share all the details with you when we’re ready to release it out into the world!

Loving… mid-morning walks in 70-degree sunshine, chocolate ice cream cones, Wordle, springtime blooms, lazy Sundays where I don’t ever leave my apartment, when a duck is swimming in my mom’s pool, when I find Lila sleeping all snuggled up next to my… spin bike (how is that comfortable?!), three-paycheck months, Monday night dinners with Mom, and the way Ellie stretches out on my office chair for her evening naps.

What are you currently watching and anticipating?

Loving… Daylight Saving Time. I know, I know! This is not a popular opinion, but I can’t help it: I love when we turn the clocks forward and suddenly, it’s 7:30pm and still light outside! I love having more daylight and if that means the sun doesn’t rise until 7:30, so be it. I don’t know how I feel about being on permanent DST (I just can’t see how it would work for people in northern states), but I wouldn’t be too bummed if Florida decided to do so.

Loathing… working from my dining room table. And I’m so glad I don’t have to do it any longer, as my new sit/stand desk arrived on Wednesday and on Saturday, the guy I hired off TaskRabbit came by to put it together. He did it in under an hour and he saved the day, since the manufacturing company forgot to include dowels in the packaging. Thankfully, my Tasker had some on hand to easily complete the job. Whew! I am really happy I hired someone to put it together and I’m even happier to start working from my desk this week. Working from my dining room table was not fun, as my chairs are not designed to sit in for hours and hours at a time. Plus, I couldn’t really spread out like I’m used to; with three monitors, it was pretty cramped for a while!

Watching… a lot of shows this month!

• Brooklyn 99 – Still trucking through my rewatch. I’m on season 7.
• Love is Blind – Season 2 was just as crazy as season 1, and I loved every minute of it. The reunion was WILD, too.
• Abbott Elementary – I watched a few episodes of season 1, but then stopped watching. It’s not as funny as I’d hoped (mostly it’s just a sad indictment of the school system), but I do love the cast so maybe I’ll go back to it.
• Survivor – Season 42 is looking to be a good one! I have a few favorites already.
• The Bachelor – Clayton’s season was remarkably boring, but I made it through thanks to The Popcast’s weekly episodes reviewing the show.

Listening to… Pod Save the World. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t follow global news as closely as I should but with the war in Ukraine, I wanted to receive updates about what is going on from people who are highly intelligent about world politics. Pod Save the World it is! They release two episodes per week discussing the war and I have learned so much. It keeps me informed without feeling like I’m drowning in doom-scrolling.

Grateful… that my mom’s worrisome bump on her chest just turned out to be a cyst. Oh, you guys. I have been through the gauntlet of emotions this past week. My mom noticed this troublesome bump on Monday. Thankfully, she had a doctor’s appointment already scheduled for Tuesday and her doctor was quite confident it was a cyst (it had a ring of redness around it and was quite tender, which is uncommon for tumors) but scheduled her for a breast ultrasound just to be abundantly cautious. She had the ultrasound on Saturday morning (I went with her) and the radiologist told her it was a cyst. What a friggin relief! I’ve been trying to think positive thoughts but that’s just not how my brain works. I’m a catastrophizer—it’s just who I am, and I thought all of the worst-case scenarios. What would it be like to be someone who just imagines nothing bad could ever happen to them? I’m over here thinking why wouldn’t the worst happen to me?

Anticipating… a punch biopsy next week. Sigh. Remember that mole I had biopsied in February and said it came back benign? Apparently, I had missed a few calls from my dermatologist’s office. (I seriously don’t know how I missed them!) The mole actually has markers that indicate it could turn into skin cancer, which means I need to get the whole mole removed as a precaution. I’ve had a punch biopsy before and they’re not very pleasant (I remember the spot hurting a lot after the numbing agent wore off), but at least we found it early, my dermatologist was cautious enough to biopsy it, and it will be all taken care of with a quick office appointment.

Researching… therapists. While I had a therapy appointment in January, it was more of an intake session. And this was back when I was told that one of my benefits through my work-sponsored health insurance was 36 free therapy sessions through a specialized app. During the appointment in January, which I thought was going to be free, I learned that each session was going to cost $73. Quite disappointing! (Long story short: There was a law in effect that gave certain health insurances money towards mental health services during the pandemic but it expired in January 2022. My company was unaware of the expiration, so they promised us free therapy but had to take it away from us. I’m still salty about it.) Since then, I haven’t gone back to the app for therapy since I was assessing my options. I’ve decided to try to find a therapist on my own, even though it will cost more than the $73 per session. The reason for this is that I’m looking for long-term therapy. The app is more of a short-term solution, with most people only using it for 4-8 sessions. I have an intake session scheduled with a new therapist next Monday, and I’m crossing fingers and toes she’s a good fit for me!

Planning… to buy the girls a very lavish cat tree for their upcoming birthdays. Ooh, I am so excited about this present for them! They both turn four this year (Ellie at the end of April; Lila at the beginning of May), and I’ve decided to upgrade their current cat tree. They’ve started using it more and more, and the little scratching posts have been torn to shreds, so it’s time for something new. I wanted something with at least one cave to hide in and one hammock to sleep in, as well as a few tall landing pads for Ellie (she loves sitting on them to survey her kingdom!) and lots of good scratching areas. I have my eye on this one or this one, and I’m excited to surprise them with it soon! (<– Only for them to ignore for, oh, 6-8 months before they decide to try it out. CATS.)

Thinking about… how to get back into the workout groove. March has been an abomination in the workout department. I think I’ve only logged two Peloton workouts total! Oof. There have been so many mornings when I wake up early, put on my workout clothes, and then just decide I do not have the energy to do a workout. So I sit on the couch, play on my phone, and curse myself for waking up early and not doing what I said I was going to do. I don’t know what is going on with me! I am contemplating doing a 30-day workout challenge in April where I have to do some form of exercise every day just to get myself back in the swing of things. Sometimes it’s easier for me to work out when I know I have to do it every day no matter what than it is to do it just three days a week.

Needing… a new purse. It’s about that time of year where I’m on the hunt for the perfect new purse. I’ve been using my current purse for about a year now (maybe a little longer) and it’s time for an upgrade. I’ve been using a smaller purse in the interim and it just does not work for my needs. I’ve hit up both TJ Maxx and Target multiple times, but haven’t found the perfect purse just yet. I’m getting a bit restless, but I’m still holding out hope that I’ll find “the one” soon.

Buying… so much nail polish. I’ve started painting my nails on a semi-weekly basis and I love it! I used to keep my nails bare, but one day, I just decided to paint them with an old nail polish I had in my closet and it was such a lovely little experience. I like to sit down with a show on Friday night and paint my nails. It’s become a sweet little ritual in my life. Now, I tend to add a new nail polish to my Target cart every week or so. I have a good assortment of colors now, and I can’t stop myself from buying more every time I’m in Target! Olive & June seems like a cult favorite but I have to say that I think I’m more partial to Essie. I’m also on the hunt for the perfect fast-drying topcoat that will keep my manicure looking good for a week. (I’ve tried Olive & June Dry Drops and they do not work!)

Feeling… more and more settled in my new role. There have been a few growing pains, as I expected. It’s been weird to go from feeling like I never have enough time to get everything done to feeling like I have all the time in the world. It does feel good not to be crazy stressed right now, although I’m sure I will get there in time, haha. Right now, I’m not handling the training of new hires yet, so when I’m ready for that, it will significantly increase my workload! But it’s been fun to be involved in the hiring process, to take the lead on some new projects, and help ensure the people on my team feel supported and encouraged.

What are you currently grateful for and planning?